


grow up; make (eye) contact

by itachitachi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crying, Friendship/Love, Future Fic, Love Confessions, M/M, Physical Contact, Third Year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-22 20:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6092734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itachitachi/pseuds/itachitachi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Maybe it wasn't fair of me to do that," Kunimi says eventually, when Kindaichi has gone quiet. "To quit before Interhigh."</p><p>"No shit," Kindaichi says wetly. His eyes are still leaking tears, even if he's not sobbing anymore. "Were you afraid of losing? I know it sucks. It hurts. It—" His face screws up again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	grow up; make (eye) contact

**Author's Note:**

> i found this finished in my wip folder. but. i don't know what it-- what?? what is this??? *draws confused hearts everywhere*
> 
> an exercise in kunimi. and also kindaichi.

Kunimi is the first of them to quit volleyball.

"You're not even going to play in the Interhigh?" Kindaichi asks, feeling helpless. "But you—it's our last year, you make such a good decoy, we _need_ you—"

"I'll still come to your games, Kindaichi," Kunimi says, soft, though he doesn't look up from his textbook.

"But," Kindaichi protests, even though he's used up all his reasons. _But you won't really be there_ , is what he wants to say, or, _You just can't!_ But that doesn't make any sense, so it's not something Kunimi will respond to.

"I'll still study with you, too," Kunimi says, pointedly, tapping with his pencil at the math book. "Unless you don't want to do that anymore."

"No, I..." he says, biting his lip, and sits down at the table.

###

At the Interhigh, Kageyama blinks at him twice, and asks, "Where's..."

Kindaichi points up at the seats. Kunimi is sitting next to the Aobajousai cheering section, wearing a gray t-shirt and reading a book. He hasn't joined in the actual cheering so far as Kindaichi has noticed, probably because that would require effort.

"Oh," Kageyama says.

Kindaichi tries to smile, but it feels pinched.

Kageyama stands with him a moment longer, gaze floating one more time up to the seats, before he coughs and pats Kindaichi awkwardly on the shoulder. "That sucks," Kageyama says. "He was... a good... player."

"Yeah," Kindaichi says. "He... was."

###

Aobajousai doesn't make it to the finals. Kindaichi travels back to school on the bus with the rest of the volleyball team, trying not to lose his composure right there. He'd rather be on a train with Kunimi, hiding his face in Kunimi's shoulder. He'd rather be crying loudly in the middle of that train. It would be better either way, if he was with Kunimi.

He calls Kunimi as soon as he gets home.

"We," he says weakly, the sobs finally starting to choke him up. "We—"

"I'm a minute away from your house," Kunimi says.

Kindaichi spends thirty seconds of that minute breathing hard in his room. Then he goes down the stairs and outside. As soon as he sees Kunimi at the gate, he bursts into tears.

Kunimi doesn't say anything to him as he cries—he never does, just lets Kindaichi sob as long as he wants into the fabric of his shirt. Before, he had always cried into the material of Kunimi's jersey; this time it's dark gray cotton. It's different, but—not different enough that it matters.

"Maybe it wasn't fair of me to do that," Kunimi says eventually, when Kindaichi has gone quiet. "To quit before Interhigh."

"No shit," Kindaichi says wetly. His eyes are still leaking tears, even if he's not sobbing anymore. "Were you afraid of losing? I know it sucks. It hurts. It—" His face screws up again.

Kunimi hugs him as he starts crying again, helplessly. Eventually he hums, arms tightening around Kindaichi's shoulders, and says, "I was afraid of a lot of things."

"L-like what?" Kindaichi tries to ask.

Kunimi sighs, looking up at the dark sky. "Nothing important, I guess."

###

Kindaichi thinks for a long time about whether he wants to continue to play for the Spring High. His university prospects are already looking kind of shitty, and though it's apparently been Seijou tradition for third-years to continue playing—Oikawa had done it, and then Yahaba—they had all made the decision together, as a whole cohort who wouldn't be brushed aside, who would keep their sights fixed on the top.

Kindaichi chews on his pencil, and steals a glimpse across the table to where Kunimi is resting his eyes between Japanese literature passages.

He doesn't know what to do.

"You're exhausting me," Kunimi says suddenly, making Kindaichi jump and look up again. He's got a crinkle between his brows now, the one that means he's seriously annoyed. "If you want to keep playing, play. If you don't, don't. I'll help you study either way."

"Yeah?" Kindaichi asks, hopeful.

"Obviously," Kunimi intones, and turns to his next passage.

Kindaichi kicks him under the table, pleased, and Kunimi doesn't even pretend to scowl.

###

"Don't focus too hard on blocking the spikes flat out," Kunimi reminds him. "You can control them too. Just think a little as you jump."

"You know I'm only at my best when I'm not thinking though," Kindaichi laughs. "I'll try!"

The corner of Kunimi's mouth turns up.

Behind them, the whistle blows. "Well, I've gotta," Kindaichi says, gesturing. "You'll cheer for us though, right? It's the least you can do as an ex-club-member."

Kunimi sighs, squints, and gives a reluctant nod.

###

Afterward, Kindaichi bows to the rest of the club members, and takes the train home with Kunimi.

"You don't regret it, though," Kunimi eventually says. "Do you?"

"No," Kindaichi sniffles, ignoring the looks that people around them are giving him. "No—I don't regret it at all."

"Good," Kunimi says, tonelessly, and squeezes his hand.

###

After that it's studying, studying—Kindaichi never thinks he can study more than he does each week, and then each subsequent week he outdoes himself. Mostly with Kunimi's help, admittedly.

"We covered this in class on the week of your Jouzenji practice match," Kunimi says, head propped on Kindaichi's shoulder. "Do you remember anything from that week?"

"Something like," Kindaichi racks his brain. "Participles?"

"Good," Kunimi says. He passes his English notes over for Kindaichi to look at.

"Oh my god, what would I do if you weren't here," Kindaichi says, drinking up the sight of Kunimi's fine, spider-scratch print.

"Mm." Kunimi hums low, the hair at the top of his head just tickling at Kindaichi's ear.

"Oh, hey, that reminds me," Kindaichi says. "Which exams are you planning on taking? I bet you could get in anywhere. Like even Toudai or something if you really wanted to."

Kunimi's head pulls away, leaving Kindaichi's neck abruptly cold. "I'm not going to Toudai," he says, sitting up. He turns slightly to his own books. "I want to stay in Miyagi."

"Oh. I guess it would be hard work to properly move all the way down there, wouldn't it," Kindaichi says, a bit confused. "I'm probably going to stay in Miyagi too. I mean, I don't even know if I'll get in anywhere."

"You probably can," Kunimi says, even. "If you study."

Kindaichi blinks at him for a few minutes, but Kunimi doesn't move. Doesn't go back to his resting spot against Kindaichi's shoulder, doesn't even look down at his books. He's looking across at the blank wall. "Hey. Kunimi? Did you want a blanket or something?"

"What would you do," Kunimi asks, "if I did get into Toudai? If I went to Tokyo?"

"Oh," Kindaichi says, stomach dropping. "I dunno. I mean. I wasn't really thinking about it."

Kunimi waits.

"I mean, you'd go, wouldn't you?" Kindaichi says, not sure if this is the answer Kunimi is looking for. "What could I do? You'd be there. I'd call and stuff."

"Mm," Kunimi says. "Exactly."

He leans back over, body crushing warmth into Kindaichi's arm, his head slotting again onto Kindaichi's shoulder like the last few moments hadn't happened.

"That's the other reason I want to stay in Miyagi," Kunimi says, hushed, not making any sense at all. "There are enough universities in Sendai, anyway."

"Oh," Kindaichi says, terribly confused. "Okay then. Good?"

"Let's get back to English grammar," Kunimi suggests, pressing his forehead against Kindaichi's tricep.

"Right," Kindaichi says.

###

The days get swallowed up into nights. School is both more and less stressful without volleyball to look forward to. Kindaichi starts losing sleep, studying; Kunimi seems to be taking more naps.

Eventually, one night, Kindaichi looks down, to where Kunimi has curled up halfway under the table, and says, "So... Toudai's entrance exam is tomorrow morning."

"Do I look like I'm planning on driving down to Tokyo to take a prestigious entrance exam tomorrow morning?" Kunimi asks.

He doesn't. He's barely looked at the clock once since he'd arrived (Kindaichi has been looking at it constantly). He's barely been focused on his notes (that's where Kindaichi has been trying to look, when he isn't looking at the clock or at Kunimi). He's halfway underneath a table.

"I guess not," Kindaichi says. "I guess... I wonder why not, though?" His voice goes a little too high, almost cracking in the middle.

"I don't know why you're so hung up on this," Kunimi says. "I don't have to apply to some top-tier university just because you think I'm smart."

"You _are_ smart," Kindaichi corrects.

"I'm staying in Miyagi, Kindaichi," Kunimi says. The cool tone of his voice is at odds with the way he curls up further, knees pressing into Kindaichi's thighs. "And I'm done talking about this."

Kindaichi wants to be done too, he really does. But the first of his and Kunimi's exams is in only six days, and Kunimi is laying under a table like he doesn't give a shit. To be fair, Kunimi looking like he doesn't give a shit has never bothered Kindaichi before, and that's probably half of the reason Kunimi even hangs out with him, but—this is—

"I just," he says, muffled into his hands. "I don't _get_ it, I don't get any of this, I don't get you. I know you're thinking something, you always are, and I can tell it bothers you, but I don't have any idea what it is."

Kunimi sighs and uncurls, twisting himself out from under the table. He heaves himself up slowly, using a hand to brace himself, and then turns to look Kindaichi straight in the face. Kindaichi startles a bit at that, and then worse when Kunimi just leans in, unblinking, brows crinkled down.

"Uhh," Kindaichi says, trying not to blink or blush. He fails at both, but Kunimi's eyes just stay trained on him, narrow and unreadable, deep brown.

"Hm," Kunimi says, pulling back just slightly. "I'll tell you after entrance exams."

Kindaichi swallows.

"It can wait," Kunimi says. "You should just keep studying for now." He slips away, back under the table, though this time he takes a math book with him. His knees dig into the side of Kindaichi's leg again, solid.

###

"Holy shit," Kindaichi blurts, when he sees his number on the exam placement board. He waves his ticket at Kunimi and repeats, "Holy shit!"

"Congratulations," Kunimi says. "I got in too."

"Of course you did!" Kindaichi yells, and catches Kunimi in a massive bear hug, to which he makes a displeased noise but otherwise tolerates. After a moment, he even squeezes Kindaichi back.

"Do you want to know, then?" Kunimi asks, into his shoulder.

"Want to know what?"

Kunimi pulls away, eyebrows furrowing. "The thing I had to tell you, obviously."

"Oh." Kindaichi had almost forgotten. "Sorry, I was stressed out. If you don't want to tell me, it's fine."

"Hm," Kunimi says. Then, in the middle of the entrance exam results crowd, he says, "Have you ever gotten a love confession, Kindaichi?"

"Er," Kindaichi says, flushing. "Um, once? I told you about it."

Kunimi watches him squirm for a moment, before the mass of students around them seems to occur to him. "I guess this isn't the best sort of place for the kind of confession I want to give, anyway," he says, and takes Kindaichi's hand, leading him toward the university gates.

Kindaichi laughs the second time Kunimi says _confession_ , the bottom of his stomach heavy with nerves. "Where are we going then?"

Kunimi doesn't look back at him, just keeps pulling until they're back to the sidewalk, keeps pulling along the length of the block. "I don't care," he says. "Where would you like to get confessed to?"

The nervous laughter in Kindaichi's chest dries up, leaving a sick feeling. "I dunno," he says, still, palm starting to go sweaty against Kunimi's. "I mean, it depends on the person more than the place, doesn't it?"

"I guess that's true," Kunimi says, and stops pulling.

Neither of them lets go.

Eventually, Kunimi says, "I like you a lot, you know."

###

"That was the worst confession ever," Kindaichi hisses to him, when they're on the train back to their neighborhood. "You weren't even looking at me!"

"Just ask me and I'll look at you whenever you want," Kunimi says, though he's not looking at Kindaichi right now either. He's slumped against Kindaichi's side seeming very much like he's going to fall asleep.

"You won't," Kindaichi says, scoffing. "You're too—" He waves his free hand around, searching for the word.

Before he can find it, Kunimi opens his eyes, turning his head on Kindaichi's shoulder until he's staring right at him, perfectly calm and very close. Kindaichi feels the breath from Kunimi's nose tickle his chin, and blushes immediately. He wouldn't have before, he thinks, at least not so quickly, but now he can't help himself.

"If I don't look at you, it's only because I've learned you can't handle it," Kunimi says, closing his eyes again and turning his face away.

He leans against Kindaichi for the entire train ride, through the entire walk to Kindaichi's house, all the way until they make it through Kindaichi's bedroom doorway. He doesn't pull away even then: he only leans up, into the press of Kindaichi's mouth, and after that only down, a warm sprawl against Kindaichi's chest.

"You've been thinking about this a long time, huh," Kindaichi says, later.

Kunimi lets out a sigh against Kindaichi's neck and says, "Yeah."

Kindaichi thinks back for a minute, to the day that Kunimi had left the volleyball team, and then even further. "Me too, maybe," he says.

"Yeah?" Kunimi says.

Against his neck, he thinks he feels Kunimi smile.

Maybe.


End file.
